i stil don't have a good title.

I turned on the tv, watched an interview on someone. I wish I hadn't.
It feels as though my history has resurfaced its ugly head. I don't know what I'm going to do, or how am I going to react to people. I won't react properly, I know that for a fact. Sorry if I seem distant.

I intend on watching a Sherlock Holmes Film and falling asleep. Hercule Poirot= :D.
My classes have not changed a bit. My life is devoid of disruption in that sense.
I've often wondered what people gain out of blogging.

I try and save the world from it's troubles, but my attempts are so futile. I want to make everyone happy, but I know I can't. I saw one of my good friends [who often is misunderstood] sitting by themselves today, I would have talked to them, but I had some place to be. High school really is a bitch. I've had a good cruise so far, but what of those who havn't?

One day, one day.


Ice ice baby. Scattered.

I am sleepy. :)

I guess its this desire to talk continously about onself- and everything going on about them at the time. It's the freedom to talk without fearing making someone else impatient. Or bored.

Maybe it's just



me.

i never have good titles.

12345678910qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm`,./;'[]-=/*-+.\<>?[]!@#$%^&*()~_+

I am drinking ice tea.
ITS SO DELICIOUS
WAIT TO BE PRECISE
its
"nestea green tea with a twist of real fruit juice mango"
nom nom nom.
so.
whales~
and horses
and pushy girlfriends.
The movie which is playing atm is a Disney Channel Original called:
"Horse Sense"

"A lazy 20 year old named Michael Woods invites his cousin Tommy Biggs to come and spend time with him in L.A. Tommy is thrilled to see his cousin after years of not seeing each other. When Tommy arrives in L.A. Michael ignores Tommy the whole time and makes him feel unwelcome. Then, Arlene the housekeeper has a talk with Michael about ignoring Tommy and Michael says he will take Tommy to Disneyland and they would have a good time. On their way to Disneyland his girlfriend Gina, who is a total drama queen and a snob calls him and asks him if he wants to come see her and her father at the racetrack. Michael says yes and takes Tommy to a Kiddie Zone so Michael could go to the racetrack. On the way back to get Tommy, Michael gets in a car accident and writes down the wrong information to the victim, Diedre White. Michael and Tommy get into an argument when Michael gets home and Tommy leaves the next day. Tommy's mother calls Michael's parents to tell him how rude Michael was to Tommy. Then, Michael's parents punish him by sending him to Tommy and his aunt's ranch to work for a month for free. Michael then learns that the ranch is going to be foreclosed at the end of the month, so Michael and Tommy put their differences aside and work together to save the ranch from foreclosure. Michael, having studied the aspect of land trusts in college, realizes that since the ranch cares for wild horses, it is eligible to be overseen by the state government and shielded against repossession. Although Michael has learned his lesson about showing respect to his family and his parents allow him to go to Europe with Gina, he refuses to do so in order to return to Montana to deliver the good news to his family, where he empties his trust fund to save their ranch. Michael also learns a valuable lesson about loyalty and love, which proves to be one of the central aspects of the film."

rooooooooooofl. I am definitely going to do history now. ahhahaha. :D

Im still hungry. I feel like buying kids toys.
ACTUALLY
I WILL CLEAN MY ROOM
cyaaaaaa
x

MULTIPLICATION x

I feel like making multiple posts.
EHEHHEHEHEHEEHEHEHEH
EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHE
im hungry but I don't want to go downstaaaaaaaaairs
my back hurts
alot.




PARTYPARTYPARTY
man i was so cut i wasn't allowed to go to amandas :(
:(
also also also um yea lol :)
boost juice bars are shit
ich hasse boost!

I was thinking to go as a greek goddess.
As either Hera of Artemis. Hera was the goddess of marriage and all those domestic things...and Artemis was like a warrior! YEAH~

I thought of doing my hair in pretty haidband across my forhead and loose curls...Sharlene may come over and help me get ready :) I remember when she had a party and I helped her get ready...she looked so gorgeous.

Also I can't believe we're going to me in year 12 soon.
Me, Devenish Singh. In year 12.

I have made it.

:)

I had breakfast. Two and a bit slices of ledt over pizza and toast. TOAAAAAAAAST. And iced tea. I woke up at 6 am...but stayed in what I thought was my bed until 7, only to wake up and find out its the couch.

I watched Being Erica on sbs or abc, one of them...I really like it.
I hate 'Disney Original' anything.










my back hurts.
maybe ill do history study
I LOVE MODERN HISTORY
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOMUCH<3

Wanna know my subjects for 2010?:D

oki:

Geography
Moderhn History<3<3
SOR1
Legal Studies
Advanced English<3<3
Extention 1 english
Extention 2 english
Extention history

I miss my cousins. :)

SPLAT

ehe.
SO.

Hm.
LOLmm, this is alot like structural unemployment.
BWAHAHA

so what has been happening? I think I'll do an update on my life.
Well I realised how much potential I have.
Also I realised that I have been doing EVERY assessment last minute.
EVERY THING.
And the amazing thing is that I still get relatively good marks...so if put effort into it...i could smash alooooooooooooooot of people.

Which brings me to my next point: I have not studied for:

1. economics
2. modern history
3. not started ext essays
4. not started SOR essay

holy shit.

And I have exams on:

• Monday: SOR
• Tuesday: NONE:)
• Wednesday: MODHIS+ EXTENG
• Thursday: ECOBRO

FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK.

And

the worst

thing is

I'm going to a PARTY tonight.

A FANCYYY DRESSSSSS: I am thinking of ideas, and honestly some people are no help! EG:

"GO AS CHOCOLATE STICK. EVERY BODY LIKES CHOCOLATE STICKS. THEY ARE YUMMY"

"TOMB RAIDER!"

"A CREDIT CARD- THE PLATINUM BLACK ONES"

"MICHAEL JACKSON"

"A PEANUT."

"GO AS THE WASTELAND"

If i went as a chocolate stick...that would be weird. And I don't think people would realise what I am. Thanks anyway.

Tomb raider? That would mean sizing up to Angelina Jolie. That is really intimidating. Thanks anyway but no:)

A credit? REALLY? REALLY GUYS.

MJ- the white or black version? And really guys-miffed-.

A peanut. P.E.N.U.T.

AND THE WASTELAND? NO THANK YOU.

:)

I am just immersing myself into the unforgiving world of fashion.

photography

atrociousness

models

clothes.clothes.style!

argh. I'm loving it.




I've recently noticed an increase in the following: -melancholy sigh-

• Girls wearing mid calf leggings with ballet flats.










• Obnoxious 'hugs not drugs' etc slogan t-shirts {thank you supre.}









• Girls who purposely hoick their boobs up around their chin as if they are naturally like that




• Multiple pastels in one outfit!!!!!!!!!!!









• 'Scene style.' Just say no.




• Badly applied make up. I can't concentrate when I'm talking to someone whose foundation is 10 times darker then their skin. Cakeface.:(.










• Bright neon orange nail polish : Actually, anything neon. And orange skin.










• Teased hair.










• THOSE FAKE SKINNY LEG JEANS BUT THEIR ACTUALLY TIGHTS??? WHAT IS THAT. ITS HIDEOUS, THAT'S WHAT IT IS.









• U.g.g. B.o.o.t.s -feels eyes tearing up- [at home its fine]










• Crocs. -shiver-










• Mandels. : Socks and mandels.










• Hello Kitty.

• Clip.In.Hair.Extentions. Especially if its a different colour from the natural hair.

• Visible belly ring? YUCK. Visible panty line{VPL}? -shudder-








• Shemagh (aka: those checked, two toned scarves that look like mini picnic rugs.) These make me want to throw up, I don't understand why people want to wear such things. I don't even classify these as accessories. Why don't we all just put picnic baskets on our heads and call THAT an accessory.










• Jelly shoes









• White running shoes worn when not running.











• Acrylic nails, or talons, as I like to call them.










• Popped collars when the collar is ridiculously gigantic on an over sized button up. Not poppin.










• Tracksuit pants. Worn at places where people are decently dressed. This disgusts me.









• Flo-rida inspired style. alfha;gsdYGopISYGDH.rage.

In other news:

I spied this Raissa Gerona jumper in the city: $250. I bought it.:D:D:D:D

I went through my wardrobe, donated all the unnecessary things, and purchased a few basic essentials. The essentials of any winter wardrobe (in my opinion :P) are:

-black blazer
-black or tan trench coat
-moto-style jacket
-white/black tees/tank tops
-black & dark blue jeans
-black pants
-black pencil skirt
- LBD {little black dress}
-black tights
-black pumps
-flat black boots
-high heel black boots
-oxfords
-religion pants, but! I don't have the full blown style, I bought a nicer version from sports girl. Not as flowy and more versatile -tick-! Any variation will do(:

These items are like your blank canvas. You work in other items of clothing within the basics. :D

Hmmm the top 5 trends of winter this year?

1.Headbands/Purple accessories!!

This doesn't include the tacky, braided ones which are worn across the forehead like a huge sign. Headbands mean: (see the picture!) See, the model is wearing both PURPLE and in headband form. :)

2. Half sleeves.

Two GREAT examples in the NYFW were advocated by Sass&Bide and Verrier. You can't fail with half sleeves, whether its a more feminine (dress) look by Verrier, or a more bold, outgoing look by Sass&Bide

3. The tuxedo style! -enter James Bond-:

This is making a HUGE come back with the winter wardrobe, so pull out your blazers! One look which I simply ADORED was by Rag&Bone, just look at find the magic.




4. Shine/ Sequins!

Shine and everything will be all fine! [within reason]. Abaet introduced a new meaning to the word 'glamshine'. I am in love with it.

5.
A good coat. Enough said.

The perfect coat is an invaluable investment. Perfect with almost anything, the coat can complete an outfit and take it to a new level.

Remember, these trends are not necessarily meant to be followed, they are meant to be interpreted into your own personal style. This is the best way to create your own style, and working out what looks good and what's in season. But remember, these are simply my opinions. :)

Hopefully you have gained a little bit more of an insight into the fashion world and are now able to STEER CLEAR FROM THE DONT'S AND RAGE FORWARD TOWARDS THE DO'S. But remember, the only way you are fully able to carry of these clothes is with a smile and confidence.

xo; d.

YOU CAN'T WEAR HEELS IN A HUT!

I am sleepy.

In 10 years time, I want to be sipping champagne in heel's with a group of classy, girly, materialistic friends.

Yuck.

Even so, that life is highly desirable to me. It appeals greatly to me, i like the idea of acquiring a lifestyle like that. Honestly, I'm on my way there. Leading this fabulous lifestyle only because I'm evading something greater;

myself.

How can I find stability in materialistic attributes? Maybe if I have a partner who is more understanding then me...i may find some form of stability.
Who am I kidding.
I suppose I'm thinking that after the superficiality of life...that a perfectly understanding partner is what will unwind and relax me after a whole, hardworking day of being fake.
Then why bother at all to be fake? May as well be perfectly understanding. But I see no fun in that. I know, how immature of me.

Sure it might engender some content within life...but the excitement? The glamour?
Oh the glamour.

I like the pretty, tangible things. I also like the satisfying, complicated feeling of grattitude I get from simply having a beating heart.

The idea of having a lavish lifestyle...simply enthralls me. Too much television, perhaps. But the idea of having a partner who knows and understands...someone and something that is permament...I wish I had someone like that now.
But what do I know? I am young. I have much to learn.

I asked myself, could I handle living like a hermit with my partner? And immediately my answer was "NO ARE YOU CRAZY YOU CAN'T WEAR HEELS IN A HUT."
Ha ha ha.

My state of being is just sad. Look, look at that!
"NO ARE YOU CRAZY YOU CAN'T WEAR HEELS IN A HUT."
"NO ARE YOU CRAZY YOU CAN'T WEAR HEELS IN A HUT."
"NO ARE YOU CRAZY YOU CAN'T WEAR HEELS IN A HUT."

How narrow minded, how arrogant. How demure, how naiive. There is nothing erudite about that type of thinking.
How superficial.

Then I thought...perhaps I could. I'd most likely become pleasant and plump and kindly. :)

Or maybe I could become old, bitter and lure young children for me to eat with my house made of gingerbread and candy canes.

When I feel that need to be shallow and superficial, it's as if I have 4 senses, not 5. I almost feel impaired. I don't feel like I'm thinking straight, that I've had one too many tablets. I guess it's me being aware of the fact that my superficiality if redudantly pointless and laughably ludicris.

This post has no point, as all of my other posts. And something far greater. The answers in the cross word:

ACROSS:
1. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ starting with D, name.

DOWN:
2. _ _ starting with M, 1st person refernce to self.

2.
_
_ ________________
___________
1.

Answers:

Me[2], Devenish[1].

heyo.

A song dedicated to
Chicken Sandwhich and his Lady Insomnia

[Timon:]

I can see what's happening

(What?)

And they don't have a clue

(Who?)

They'll fall in love and here's the bottom line

Our trio's down to two.

(Oh.)

[In a sarcastic mock-French accent]Ze sweet caress of twilight

[Back to normal, but still sarcastic]There's magic everywhere

And with all this romantic atmosphere

Disaster's in the air

[FS:]Can you feel the love tonight?

The peace the evening brings

The world, for once, in perfect harmony

With all its living things

[Simba:]

So many things to tell her

But how to make her see

The truth about my past? Impossible!

She'd turn away from me

[Nala:]

He's holding back, he's hiding

But what, I can't decide

Why won't he be the king I know he is

The king I see inside?

[Chorus:]

Can you feel the love tonight?

The peace the evening brings

The world, for once, in perfect harmony

With all its living things

Can you feel the love tonight?

You needn't look too far

Stealing through the night's uncertainties

Love is where they are

[Timon:]

And if he falls in love tonight

It can be assumed

[Pumbaa:]His carefree days with us are history

[Timon and Pumbaa:]In short, our pal is doomed

OH AND ALSO

AHAH
DEDICATED TO SARA AND PROF. SPLEEN

Timon: Luau! If you're hungry for a hunk of fat and juicy meat, eat my buddy Pumbaa here because he is a treat! Come on down and dine on this tasty swine, all you have to do is get in line! Are ya achin'...
Pumbaa: Yep, yep, yep!
Timon: ...for some bacon?
Pumbaa: Yep, yep, yep!
Timon: He's a big pig!
Pumbaa: Yep yep!
Timon: You could be a big pig too! Oy!

rant.raaaaaaaaaaaant.rant.

why is it that indian parties occur on the most random days of the week, and go on for hours at a time?
i'm so over my cousins wanting to take me out all the time, i wish i were one of those people who wished they had more to do.
mrgrm.
one of my friends is in like:D:D:D

so i have two tumors, one in each breast.
not cancer, *sigh of relief*
but still, a major catalyst and turning point in my life.
i may have to get them removed.

"ill show you fear in a tumor."

:\


as much as i am a talker, i am a listener.
i love listening to people express their feelings, i hate interrupting them and encouring them to go on. i love viewing how these people engage themselves to others, their reactions, their emotions.
like atm, a friend is telling me how someone has changed their perception of the world, and it's nice to hear them talk about it:)
it feels as if the books ive been reading all my life are finally occuring in reality, but at a safe distance where i don't get involved and complicated (as sappy as that sounds)

i just love hearing a story and thinking about it. :)

The thunder doesn't scare me.

I have not stuck to my plan. At all.
I intent on failing geo tomorrow.



My friends mother may have cancer. How incredibly unfair, her aunt only recently passed away from cancer last year.
Her father may have bowel cancer.
I cried in spite of myself, this news is horrific.
Even though we don't know for certain, she mostly like does have cancer. We have reasons.
I'm not going to question why this happaned.

Well.

I don't try for school that much anymore.
MSN distracts me.
Mrgrm:
I thought I would motivate myself - TURNS OUT THAT WAS JUST SHIT.
I just - eh. Have no inspiration.
I'm not that much of an idiot anymore where I do things last minute...
well maybe.
LOL LIke for the econmics assignment I did that a week before it was due(:
And this history assignment I did over the weekend (minus the pp- BUT COME ITS A PP !)
i have to do the
ext. essay which i will do
and tomorro i will def. do geo study.
so i HAVE made an improvement.
once geo topic+history test is out of the way, i can focus on legal studies+ext.english!!
and then i will make economics notes on the weekend because i just dont understand ecnomics unless i make external notes.
on the weekend i shalll also:
+memorise ext. essay
+start religeon assignment
+be half way through my legal studies assignment!
sounds like a good plan!



and oh! tomorro i will def. volunteer to say my speech for history to get it out of the way. Bcoz I have too much shit due to worry about fucking insecurity and nervousness.



ps: i think i did something to my ankle when i fell twice on it in english.
so.fuk.

This is it. This is my life.
Enough fooling around, I am ready. Pull my hair and pinch my leg, I am ready.

All my life, I have never believed I could be the girl who gets 99% on her HSC. WHY!!!!!!!!!

Because I have been intimidated (not intentionally) by Superior others who have achieved. So immediately I thought to assume that this person could NEVER be me. Again, WHY??!!
Because I have never believed in myself. I have been ferociously determined but never believed in myself. I've always had shadows of doubt following me, and I realise now that through everyday examples (choosing clothes, making decisions, keeping promises to myself.) How did I come about this revelation?

After talking on msn i went to hug my mu,. As I was saying goodnight and hugging her she screamed at me: "BOBBY DON'T YOU SEE THE DRESS ON THE FLOOR?" I looked at her then bowed my head and grinned. She then said "Get out of my sight." Which stung me. So i left hearing screams of "Bobby you 16 years old, can't you even see that??!".
So I went into my room, and as usual I did the 1st thing I usually do when sad- pity and feel sorry for myself and cry. My mind was telling me, "You feel lonely tonight don't you? It's okay, you're different, it's tough, I know." Then I told myself I was being ridiculous and that children around world are starving and to really get over it.

Again, I began to feel sorry for myself because I felt like the loser of the family and that I was not good enough. I felt overshadowed and I didn't feel like a leader. Then more crying. Then the word CONFRONTATION swam through my head. I'd done this before, try to become the extrovert I am after the crying and become 'stronger'. But then I remembered how dreams where a gun is pointed at you, it means confrontation and change in a positive sense. Odd. So i closed my eyes and imagined a gun barrel being pointed to my forehead by a masked stranger. However it turned into a picture where I was holding the to my own head and asking the question

WHY

. To be honest, this image was more comfortable because my fate was in my own hands, but I didn't want to end my life. My end isn't here yet, and thank God.
So it turned back into a second me holding a gun to my first me's head. So the second me asked me 'why CANT you get 99% UAI? What's stopping you, why NOT you? What makes you so different, why can't you do it?'
Sp then under the pressure of the gun, I realised I have determination but hardly believe in myself and as a result I don't motivate myself.

AND. I. SHOULD.

I WILL motivate myself from now on! So from today LETS GO TEAM DEVENISH! Just like champions train so hard and bring it all they have, that's the same way I'm going to study, practise and have a NEVER-SAY-NEVER attitude. I will arise from my old self (who felt like she could never feet an outline of herself because of a lack of substance) a champion.

Because there is nothing stopping me. No one is holding my head back, tying my hands, taping my mouth and clamping my brain.

i'D like to say something, if that's okay. Spread your wings. Take flight. Feel the rush of the wind and erratic beat of your heart. Do something to empower yourseld today, do something to empower osmeone else.

With every breath, fibre, thought, emotion and energy, I have fought you. But I weaken at one tiny touch of your spirit. It inflames away, as it burns away what traps me.

no

one

can

stop

me

now.

hello (:

i feel so sick

i hate hayfever. so i deceided to do my hair to make me feel better. (: (: (:

^^^ is the result. quite pleased actually. :)

i went with my cousins to westfields today it was so much fun. (: so many people from school were there i was quite surprised!

alot of people in year 10 we're there and i was so complacent.

i wish i had somewhere to go tonight...but i am faced with an abundunce of work unfortunately for me.

i have to start my history assignment

start my economics assignment

start my geography assignment

start my ext. assignment

i dont want to get into this.

just whatever.

why do people want to belong so much? i have no problem feeling akward. which of course contradicts itself.

you know what i hate? when people talk about 'late night' at westfields because this is how it usually goes:

person a: did you go to livoo braaa ?

me: um when?

person a: late nighttt braaaaaaa on thursdayyyy braa

me: i never go, i'm not allowed. besides i went once with family and it is too packed and it is like a social event.

person a: tfaaarrkk its the most hektik shitt outt errioneee thereeee braaa sersli you gotta come one dayy its fknn madddshittt mann

Why would you go to a shopping mall when it closes late just to hang out with your friends? Why can't you just go and hang out at friends places. I bet people only go to prove how 'madkunt' they are to each other, and to pick up other junkies. :) I can't believe i ran with a crowd like that once.

Never again. The reason why I stopped is those types of people come to depend on you too much and get needy. I can't stand needy. So I went to Europe for a month, came back and distanced myself. That's why I don'tlike going to livo, coz I know I'll see someone from my old crowd who'll come up and scream OMFFGG HAYYY WHEREE U BEEENNN YALLAAA !.

Yea watev. Moved on, grown up.

My friend was talking about an albino girl she knows. And all I thought about was what if it was the norm to be albino, but it was a deformity to have dark hair and dark eyes? Then? Then what would you do. She doesn't seem like such a freak now does she?She almost seems human now, yes?

In other news, while I was in livo I got scouted by some sort of modelling agency. Um um um ummmmmmmmmm I can't remember the name. Grrrrrrrr it reminded me of chad michael muryy. OH its called Chadwick Models. The representive was walking around, trying to scout natural modellesque people. She told me she didn't have a stall as such because she didn't want people to come to her. I didn't believe her, so she gave me her card.

I got home. researched. Smacked my head on the table over and over. I am such an idiot. Oh well it's better I didn't show interest anyway, I wouldn't have been able to model. It seems so shallow anyway. Look how my mum turned out after modelling (: She's so up herself, but she's still amazing anyway. I think I'll hide her business card otherwise my mum will make a call.

i havnt blogged for a while :) i enjoy school but i miss the closeness we had last year. we were a team you know? now we're just all...segregated. but i'm not going to complain.

:)

hw;

LOL silly fat one :)

i have a shitload of hw i think, but i never write it down in my diary

so i would have no idea

okay

sor: i know i dont have hw (yessssssssssss!)

legal studies: possibly but i get too distracted to listen, WE DID HAVE HW:( which i have completed:)

adv. english: fk i think i did but i forgot what we had to do ( sumamrizing) which i am halfway through:D:D

economics: 1 part of an assignment is due but i think we did it in class as a group (fksake) and three sheets which i did, plus during the week imgonna make notes and memorise for topic test on friday

modern history: comparison thing which i have to do ( completeeedd )

ext. english: fkn reading and sumamrizing FK U WASTELAND. ill wasteland your mum. (don't even want to bring it up.)

geography: copy out sara's book more and think of project thing (IMPOSSIBLE.) (FUCKING HELL)

________________________________________________

moving on. ive been adding your mum to everyhing, i'm so sorry if i offend anyone. its just habbit now from allysio, who caught it from adrian. SO SORRY.

for example;

in legal studies:

*'x' comes in and stands next to me, is eating something*

'y': what are you eating 'x'?

me: his eating his mum. chyea.

I FELT SO BAD AFTER. but i couldn't help it. i add your mum to everyhing. YEA YOUR MUM AUTOSAVED.

sorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyy<3

boys are stupid. very stupid. ahah

look at this excerpt:

`` ____ xx ; v.styLsz . ! demOnisiingtheeuniiverrsee:

ayyy sxxcccc

[b];DEVENISHHHH[/b] ] GO SIRENSS (:

lol? watev. i broke my wireless ):

`` ____ xx ; v.styLsz . ! demOnisiingtheeuniiverrsee:

cozz u brokee it with that massive ass of yourss :P;)

[b];DEVENISHHHH[/b] ] GO SIRENSS (:

um no. coz it saw your face and decided to self destruct(:

`` ____ xx ; v.styLsz . ! demOnisiingtheeuniiverrsee:

LMAO sdoinn babe?

[b];DEVENISHHHH[/b] ] GO SIRENSS (:

playing with a fan

`` ____ xx ; v.styLsz . ! demOnisiingtheeuniiverrsee:

DAAAMMMNNN what kind?

[b];DEVENISHHHH[/b] ] GO SIRENSS (:

WTFK. an oriental one...

`` ____ xx ; v.styLsz . ! demOnisiingtheeuniiverrsee:

oofftt maa badd . i was like DAMMNN THISS GRLL :P;)

[b];DEVENISHHHH[/b] ] GO SIRENSS (:

yuck. just watev.

`` ____ xx ; v.styLsz . ! demOnisiingtheeuniiverrsee:

you could at least pretend to enjoy it.

i just gave up after that.

------------------------------

on another note my baby cousins are over.

they are so gorgeous, i don't understand why people want to abort/abandon.

i don't think it's wrong, but i think that people don't understand on what they are going to miss out on.

their so beautiful

like my baby cousin ameesha who is 3, she sat in my lap and at first she put her tiny hands on my lips and says: "shhh!"

and i continued to talk and tease her

and she got upset and almost cried

she tried rejecting me when i kissed her but then she just gave me a total look of desperation and gave in by sinking into me and hugging me.

(:

ohFUCK

The price of retribution.
Muscle spasms in my back are the price of a good day.
It's okay, continue, just let me have another good day tomorrow.:)
HAY SARA!!
:D


















oooooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

:D

I could not be more happier with today...:D

I knewwwwww it. I knew that when someshit happened last night and the night before, and this morning, something would make up for it.
AND IT DID!:D:D
They changed me from society and culture to geography!:D:D:D:D
They had to change my mod.hist classes around as well as my English. And at first I was sad because

a) i thought I'd have a different teacher in modern history and I LOVE MY TEACHER hehe

b) i love my English class too! so i was sad when i would have to change

BUT

I, Devenish, being almighty as I am INCIDENTALLY got the same teacher for mod.hist that I had before? Isn't that GREAT???!

*gloats*

And also because I am just so cool, MY ENGLISH CLASS IS MAD! Quiet yes, filled with chauvinistic pinheads, yes, BUT SO MANY PEOPLE I LIKE ARE IN IT!!! So happy, so so happy!!

Speaking of english .Grr. Mark. Grr. He stole my seat. I got there first and I wanted to sit next to Michael but his like "HIS MY ASIAN"

)':

So I got him back. That is the end of my retribution story, now I shall behave appropriately towards him and not persecute him anymore!:) We is friends. In my opinion anyway:D:D:D

LOL I'm such a drama queen. WHY IS ENGLISH SO SEGREGATED BTW? Girl's don't have cooties anymore=(

Haha english teacher is mad...he challenges me whereas my old english teacher (AS MUCH AS I LOVE HER) didn't. SO happy, however Jimmy thinks that he is boring and sleeps in class. I have seen. Jimmy does sleep in class. It's funny:D

OMG VIVIANS PERM! SHE LOOKS
SO
G.

So so sso sos soooooooooooo soso so so so soooooooo pretty!!!!She looks like those cute girls in jap magazines that you can only ever sigh and be envious about, because you know you can't even be like that because your indian. HAHA!

Random blogging is fun. UMUM RELIGION. Our teacher rants o.O He needs a blog so he can get it all of his chest and teach us:) But he tells us stories with morals, and maybe that's his teaching style. If it is, its interesting. Also, you can't really learn much from this topic, its basically formulating your own opinion.

My modern history class is quiet *sigh. No one participates ): But its better then it being all rowdy and disgusting:)

We had Ash Wednesday Liturgy today.

I SAW MY RELIGION TEACHERS UNDERARM.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.WWWWW.THE HAIR.THE HAIR.

UM SAW DALE TODAY!!! WAS SO HAPPY!!!!!

Today was such a good day. Reckon I'll have a shit one tomorrow at the price of this one?

LOL WANNA SEE THE SPELL CHECK THAT COMES UP FOR DEVENISH?

• Dervish
• Develish
• DANISH LOLOL
• Dovish...0.o
• Devonian

OMG!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VIVAN!!!!!

SEXY 16 ;)

:)

You know what's an all time favourite song of mine?
We ride - Rihanna

I have shite hair. I'm angry at myself for cutting it. Grrrrrrrrrr I'm waiting for my fringe to grow. I like slow rnb songs and beat ridden ones.

Why am I complaining about my hair? I'm so shallow. I can't believe there are kids who are dying from starvation. Cancer yeaa we can't do much, massacres yeaa same deal, but starvation? Come on, we're disgusting people.

Fuck Rihanna. Fuck Hair. Fuck RnB.

A prayer to all those children and adults.

You know what else can go fuck itself?
I'll make a list;

FUCK:

1. boys
2. fighting with rents, its pointless
3. looking hot all the time
4. trying to have a good body
5. COMPLAINING
6. being influenced by other families
7. not having a good time
8. SUPERFICIAL PEOPLE
9. uneducated shites who honk at me from their fkn car
10. guys/girls who expect others to say hi to them first
11. 'sik kunts'
12. people who put down others because their not sophisticated enough
13. people who can't accept others
14. people who have a problem with other people's interests
15. i like heavy metal, classical, and rnb. STEREOTYPE ME. JUST TRY.
16. competitiveness
17. putting on a show for others
18. assessment tasks
19. boredom
20. laziness

i COULD go on. But I'm too lazzyy

FUCK LAZINESS. HAHA

Sorry if the swearing offended people.

Revelation.

When I want something, I will have no self control.
See example with water?
As soon as the water hit my tongue, I couldn't stop drinking it. And now I'm going to go get another glass. And maybe another.
Until I am sick of it's taste.
And then I will hate it for a while.


And go back to craving it.

Ice.

I have a glass of icey cold water in front of me. It's so cold it's fogged upthe glass. The water is so still nothings moving inside it.
i can't wait to drink it, i know i will feel instantly refreshed, even though i have a cough.
Fuck that.
XD
It's getting even more foggier. This glass of ice cold refreshing water is making me quuiete thirsty. The glass is ice cold and I can almost feel the taste of refreshing ice cold water on my tongue.
But I'm going to deny myself.
I'm going to drink it now, ready?
I have picked up the glass.
The cold numbs my fingers upon first touch.
I can't wait to drink it i really can't.
I'm lifting it to my lips, my outh is slightly salivating and my jaw has locked from wanting this
icy
cold
foggy
water.




















I have had a few sips. I feel refreshed. I want more.



I have no idea what this post is about. But I love cold water on a cold day.
Have some:)

sniff.

I cry less then I used to when I was younger.

Now it's less then 5 tear drops. (:


My mum thinks I depend on her too much. She seeks out to punish me with words. I can't explain it. Shall I juxtapose? Don't care if it doesn't make sense.



At school I am

1. smiley


2. a leader


3. a talker


4. louddddddddd!


5. always having fun


6. very affectionate


7. basically, me:)

At home. Oh.

1. Quiet


2. distanced


3. craving for privacy


4. craving for Independence


5. feel inferior


6. can't wait for school to start.


7. wish i lived at school.

My parents will never know me until I move out of this house. Please don't get me wrong, they are great, I have a fantastic house, a fantastic life. But when things get handed to you just like that, where's the adventure? Where's the independence?

Where is the self-discovery?

I feel as if I can't show who I can be at home. Why is that, can someone tell me? Why can I never talk to anyone about it, can someone tell me? Why am I so obscure, can someone please tell me?

You know what's funny? This guilt. I won't go against my parents wishes, or do what I really want I to do because I really love them. That's why I can't discuss all this with people, I feel sucha guilt. I feel a guilt now. Sometimes I wish I'd die in this tragic and horrific way, and they'd find all the letters, poems, stories and even my blog, so they'd know how much I love them. Crazy yea? I know. I know. That's how much I think they are unaware of it.

I've sacrificed friends, I've sacrificed so much of my happyness, .a chance of finding love, creating memories because of them. And they actually think I don't care. My mum honestly thinks we're not alike. That I almost hate her. It kills me.

I'm selfish. Today is the yr 7 family mass. My sister is in yr 7 so she went and I asked my parents if they were going. And they said no, and I replied; "BUT YOU HAVE TO...YOU SHOULD BE THERE," To which they simply said; "It's okay, she's different. She's not like you. She doesn't need me."

I was astounded. What am I, needy and clingy? Am I really? Am i not independent? Have I not tried again and again to show that I am? What...just. What??! So I got angry. I told her I didn't care if parents came to my events. That that's the reason I'm not going travelling with them in the holidays. I knew at the time I should control myself, but I didn't. She called me back and she said "WHAT!" And I said "You made me sound so stupid. You hurt me." And she goes, "Ashna doesn't need me. She's different. She's not like you."

Not like you.

What am I?

So she went to drop Ashna, came back and came to my computer and said. "You are like my sister, your never happy. You have the devil inside your brain." I'm pretty sure the devil bit was metaphorical. She's not very religious. And she goes "Something broke inside me when you said you didn't care if we weren't there. There's alot of difference between you and Ashna. What does that say about you as a daughter?"

I felt so guilty. So selfish. So bad. Why do I cause people pain, why do I make my parents so upset? Why do I break their hearts so easily?

They would have been better with someone other then me. Really I'm the worst one you can have. Maybe I don't hate me maybe I do. But I definitely hate the pain I cause. I hope none of you did anything bad enough in your other life to have a kid like me in the future.

(: i'm a liar. i cry even more then i did in primary. (:

Hmmm.

Not much happaned today.
It was just...bleak. Dale's last day. Laugh a sombre laugh with me.




If my closest friends left, it wouldn't impact me as much as Dale's leaving does. Tis true. Doing ext. homework, I wonder what she expects, I wonder if I'll make her cut. Yay highschool.

Feeling very dreary.

Listening to Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.
Yer I like classical music. It's so beautiful.
The day I meet a brilliant music composer, the day I fall in love.
I kid you not.

What.

"Blogger Sign In
We found the following errors:
Your browser's cookie functionality is disabled. Please enable JavaScript and cookies in order to use Blogger.
Blogger Help explains how."

.
.
.
confused silence.
mum: why are you so quiet now? o.o

I won't even begin to try and comprehend that. Woah THIS AUTOSAVES! How cool!:D
(you don't have to tell me I have a short attention span.)

I was feeling quiet intellectual and I was hoping to utilize that on this..thing..:S But of course, that was before bogus about 'cookies' and 'blogger' popped.

There's a famous Greek philosophiser named Epicurus. He believed that if you really wanted to be happy, you had to have three things;

1. Friends.
2. Freedom
3. Thought

I learnt that in society and culture on Friday, so it's not a totally useless subject.

Friends. Friends, friends FRIENDS. Who are your friends? Do you trust your friends? What is a friend? Do you believe your better off alone, as I sometimes do? Do you, in your deepest hearts of hearts, believe your friends are real?

Sometimes I think, because of high school, people with similar interests band together. Safety in numbers, you could call it. So when we get thrown together and delve deeper within ourselves, are they friends? Sometimes I think I have no friends (laugh if you may), but I think I only have 'friends' because of how circumstances are. If I hadn't come to this school in 08', I seriously doubt I'd have the 'friends' I do now. See, circumstances. Don't get me wrong, my friends are great, they are really are (: But I'm questioning the basic fundamentals of friendship, if it really exists.

HAHA FOOD FOR THOUGHT~ Epicurus also said we need to escape materialism, and we should do this with friends.

To some extent, we use our friends. Don't deny it, no one wants to be the 'loser' or the loner in the school. Everyone wants to have friends. Like everyone wants tomorrow's new technology. Friends make us feel good, but maybe only in the sense that nobody can attack us for being a loner by having a group. Questions questions questions.

It's like a pack of wolves. Wolves travel in packs. (shocking tautology I'M SORRY.) Why?

Because they don't want to feel threatened and to protect themselves and each other. That's why. Note: Maybe that's why the bitchiest groups in school are often the most biggest? So to escape materialism in the world, if we take friends with us, we're clutching at straws. Epicurus, why did your friends make you feel good? Why did you suggest that we should never eat alone? I'm sorry, but social deprivation doesn't concern me.

Sorry Epicurus, but I believe happiness comes within ourselves. Yes there is death in the world, yes there is cruelty, sickness and unfairness in the world. I know that. Bla bla, but if I say to myself

I am happy and I am content

Then I am. No matter if I'm jailed, or in the country side running free. I am happy and I am content. I say it, I belive it, I feel it. Precisely in that order.

Freedom. Some people believe you need to escape your physical surroundings to be free. I'm sorry but you are so fucking materialistic if you think that. No you don't, okay? You sit in a quiet corner and you meditate. Do as the Buddhists do, they got it right. Doesn't matter where you are, if you focus and forget about the insignificant, then you have achieved freedom. It doesn't matter your parents are crazily strict (like mine), I am free. No one if restricting my thoughts. No one has placed a mental clamp over my brain. I am breathing. I am living. I am thinking. (:

SOO thought, huh? This is thought. Keeping it in my brain is thought. I'm so content just letting it out. This whole blog is about thought. (:

So if you read this, keep what I've offered as an opinion, in mind. Maybe in due course they'll change...maybe I'm very immature at the moment. But this is how I view the world and sense now.

BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE:D:D

officially broken my blog virginity.

This is exactly like livejournal!

Let's lets just a run down of whats going through my mind currently, yes?

1. I'm pretending to study
2. I'm super nervous about mufti day tomorrow
3. The term 'mufti' is so disgusting.
4. I don't like indian boys with blonde streaks
5. There are stomach in my butterflies
6. LOL^ that's how nervous I am about tomorrow.

So number 1...Why am I pretending to study? Because my parents want me to study everyday. I want me to study everyday. But I can't...I'm too distracted. By msn, by life.

Numero 2: I HATE HATE HATE HATE WITH A PASSION, mufti days. *SHIVER*
I really do. I think of the jungle our school is, and I think about how one insignificant detail can throw a the opposite of a spanner in the works. Something like an extra gear to make it work faster. It's like "OMG LOOK AT HER ZOMG !!11!!!1! HER HAIR OMG WTFUCKKK !!1!HAHAHA LAUGH POINT VICTIMIZE HIDE INSECURITES ABOUTSELF".

I hate them. Everytime, it's a fucking parade. Sorry to break the harsh reality to you, but we're not celebrties. No one outside of school cares. Our school is a jungle, not just literally. What was Mr.Wooby thinking??!! We are a bunch of demure and insecure teenagers. We are going to pounce on others like lions on a dead antelope.

I am so gone tomorrow. You may see my atelopian remains being ravaged by a particually hateful lion. Male or female. Hopefully not male.

I HATE YOU MALE SPECIES. HATE YOU.

3. Yuck. How bogan do we have to be to make up the term 'mufti'. Just yuck.

4. Get him away from me. LMAO He thinks his cool and 'GNSTARR BRAAAHH!' Hahahah oh please. Close your legs and open a book!:)

5. Judgement Day. Mufti Day. What do they have in common? No more on the subject.

6. He he. WHY MR. WOOBY WHY.

*sob