This is it. This is my life.
Enough fooling around, I am ready. Pull my hair and pinch my leg, I am ready.

All my life, I have never believed I could be the girl who gets 99% on her HSC. WHY!!!!!!!!!

Because I have been intimidated (not intentionally) by Superior others who have achieved. So immediately I thought to assume that this person could NEVER be me. Again, WHY??!!
Because I have never believed in myself. I have been ferociously determined but never believed in myself. I've always had shadows of doubt following me, and I realise now that through everyday examples (choosing clothes, making decisions, keeping promises to myself.) How did I come about this revelation?

After talking on msn i went to hug my mu,. As I was saying goodnight and hugging her she screamed at me: "BOBBY DON'T YOU SEE THE DRESS ON THE FLOOR?" I looked at her then bowed my head and grinned. She then said "Get out of my sight." Which stung me. So i left hearing screams of "Bobby you 16 years old, can't you even see that??!".
So I went into my room, and as usual I did the 1st thing I usually do when sad- pity and feel sorry for myself and cry. My mind was telling me, "You feel lonely tonight don't you? It's okay, you're different, it's tough, I know." Then I told myself I was being ridiculous and that children around world are starving and to really get over it.

Again, I began to feel sorry for myself because I felt like the loser of the family and that I was not good enough. I felt overshadowed and I didn't feel like a leader. Then more crying. Then the word CONFRONTATION swam through my head. I'd done this before, try to become the extrovert I am after the crying and become 'stronger'. But then I remembered how dreams where a gun is pointed at you, it means confrontation and change in a positive sense. Odd. So i closed my eyes and imagined a gun barrel being pointed to my forehead by a masked stranger. However it turned into a picture where I was holding the to my own head and asking the question

WHY

. To be honest, this image was more comfortable because my fate was in my own hands, but I didn't want to end my life. My end isn't here yet, and thank God.
So it turned back into a second me holding a gun to my first me's head. So the second me asked me 'why CANT you get 99% UAI? What's stopping you, why NOT you? What makes you so different, why can't you do it?'
Sp then under the pressure of the gun, I realised I have determination but hardly believe in myself and as a result I don't motivate myself.

AND. I. SHOULD.

I WILL motivate myself from now on! So from today LETS GO TEAM DEVENISH! Just like champions train so hard and bring it all they have, that's the same way I'm going to study, practise and have a NEVER-SAY-NEVER attitude. I will arise from my old self (who felt like she could never feet an outline of herself because of a lack of substance) a champion.

Because there is nothing stopping me. No one is holding my head back, tying my hands, taping my mouth and clamping my brain.

i'D like to say something, if that's okay. Spread your wings. Take flight. Feel the rush of the wind and erratic beat of your heart. Do something to empower yourseld today, do something to empower osmeone else.

With every breath, fibre, thought, emotion and energy, I have fought you. But I weaken at one tiny touch of your spirit. It inflames away, as it burns away what traps me.

no

one

can

stop

me

now.